last.

so yeah, hello world.

cant really tell you how much i love my life. everythings fucked up all at once but honest, im glad. i chose to live here and leave everything behind. leave all the shit i have got back in the shit high school. o God i wish i live here ages ago. I find myself actually rescued. i know how grand it is to love myself.

Boy, dont ever blame me of what happened. everything i did i have reasons. even if you dont care, those reasons will showed up itself. you better sit and watch yourself in the mirror. ask yourself of things youv been doing. but to be honest, i cant give a fuck of you anymore sorry. face it, the world is full with hypocrites. someday soon everyones a dead meat. and im done being a shit. and p.s, sorry for a drunken call last nite. that will b the last.

and on top of that, im so happy i met these beautiful best friends. they are my world. i dont no why im here until them showed up. the world is cruel but i couldnt care less i feel our hands tied to tight. because we want to. there my world, my backbone. They made me see how beautiful life is. what a real love is. in every tears we shed i know we are one.  so chuffed in each day, me Claire and Danka are moving to a flat in Glasgow. Clark and Johnny, youre like imaginary dreamland for me. you guys make so much sense in those ive been through!

start a fab new life. a great one shall i say.

and i finally have to say, this is my last post. im moving to a new blog and you can find it yourself if ye wanted to.

“you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’ll change your life” – Empire Magazine

so long.

…

i love you

you love me

we are a happy family

with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

would you say you love me too..

Snuff.

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me, let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can’t destroy what isn’t there.
Deliver me into my fate
If I’m alone I cannot hate
I don’t deserve to have you
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn’t face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn’t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren’t my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
My own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won’t listen to your shame
You ran away, you’re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don’t ever let me know
If you still care, don’t ever let me know

-Slipknot-

:’)

How stupid i am sitting here waiting for you to online. I miss you so much its unbelievable… and its hurting me so much to know that you dont even want to talk to me anymore. I just looked up to the stars and crying myself out, seems like everything reminds me of you now.

Remember when i told you i will never want to go back to you? because i know i went too far?

i lied. i wish i could go back to your place, i wish at stars to give me time travel and undo all of what i did.

But dont worry, i know, i cant.

i dont learn much from what happened except that i have been unbelievably stupid to let go my real love. i dont know myself anymore. i lost faith. i drink, i smoke, and i get high from weed most of the time. One thought of you just now makes me realised how much of a dead person i am. I dont feel like living and I cant take it anymore, so its a promise to myself to forget about all this, about you and us.

i will have to move on now, just like what you did.

i will have to smile like you in this picture, just like your smile now. thats a true happiness for me..

goodbye.

:’)

ya, saya rapuh

Sebenarnya ku tak ingin berada di sini, di tempat jauh yang sepi, memisahkan kita

Ku berharap  semuanya akan berbeda meski tak mungkin menumbuhkan jiwa itu lagi..

No one can hurt me – that’s my job.”

my little smile

“Don’t worry about a thing,
Cause every little thing is gonna be all right.
Don’t worry about a thing,
Cause every little thing is gonna be all right!”

Thanks Phil, thats really cheerin me up. I dont know why you always sing that song after every time i chat with ya, now i cant stop singing it. sadly i ended up with tears at some point and start to believe..

Believe every thing happens for a reason, what suppose to be happened, will eventually happen. No need to fight so hard until you bleed yourself cause youre just living in a lie. Yeah its empty now, inside of me. But i dont regret it. I’m glad i had to be shattered this way. glad i finally pulled the pieces of me back together, slowly, with a little help from my friends. those friends who made me realised why im in this place.

So i smiled again, and just started singing..

“Don’t worry about a thing,
Cause every little thing.. gonna be all right.
Don’t worry about a thing,
Cause every little thing.. gonna be all right..”

(Three Little Birds – Bob Marley)

normal?

“normal doesn’t exist” – true.

people being so hypocrite, i mean normal because theyre too scared to lose. yeeeeea i guess that was including me……. hah!

shouldn’t we look deeply into ourselves before we go out and greet the world? shouldn’t we think more about ourselves before we say a thing? this planet is already ruled guys. it has lotta bunch of fake rules you see. we should be free to be crazy!

or just put a reminder that says :  BE YOURSELF, on top of everything.